Following the recent tragic events at the Big Ugly Yellow Couch, Wizard Wars, who rely on the Brooklyn outfit as a prime source of good new music, have decided to launch an investigation into the fire. Despite claims that there was no foul play involved, an investigative Ash and Red obviously had far too much time on their hands not to look deeper into the matter.

The Fieros – Get Back [Big Ugly Yellow Couch Session]

Of the potential suspects, Wizard Wars have focused in on Pitchfork, whose aggressive and deadly weapon logo speak for themselves, and who have also already been accused of being Satanists, and Gorilla vs. Bear, major proponents of Guerilla vs. Bear warfare. Other indications have led the heroic team to focus on the Brooklyn vegan, apparently disgruntled by the Couch’s frequent backyard grill-sessions and cook-outs(are the flames therefore symbolic?). Free Williamsburg have also been implicated, as the separatist’s group has long been at odds with the city and its politics.

If anyone has any knowledge they could pass along, it would be greatly appreciated. In the meantime and in all seriousness, we wish The Big Ugly Yellow Couch all the best and are glad that no-one was injured during the incident.